SENIOR MEN ARE CONVERSATION COUNTERFEITS

They’re skilled at pretending to listen. They smile kindly and offer an occasional uh-huh, or they just wear a neutral expression and count on your enthusiasm for chatter to fill the void. Even when they do listen, they don’t always hear.

Young men know the value of spirited conversation with women.  Their mothers and sisters are engineers, lawyers, CPAs, and entrepreneurs. Senior men grew up in a different world. They’re suspicious of women’s ability to get at life’s deeper issues. They may even believe men are in charge of substantive thinking.

To share one’s life with a responsive man is the dream of most readers of this blog. We want to share our impressions, beliefs, goals, knowledge. Without solid verbal exchange that’s not going to happen.

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You and I know that senior women have a lot more on their minds than shopping, baking, and Botox, but your senior man may take some convincing. Here are some tips for inspiring him not only to listen, but to join the conversation.

1.  Share your thoughts, but edit your presentation

A good man – one who is now or is potentially interested in you – will try to follow you, but he will follow you just so far. He will be glad to know that your granddaughter is playing Chopin in a piano recital. He will want to learn the date, the time, and the venue, but he will not want to hear about the difficulties of finding her the right dress.

2.  Talk about his interests

I do hope you won’t tie up with a sports fanatic, unless you are one yourself; sports love can’t be learned. On the other hand, if he’s interested in world events or science, you can read up on his interest areas and listen to his point of view. This will both stimulate your mind and give you pleasure in learning new things. As for your views on fashion trends and weight gain, wait until you have a more appreciative audience – your book club, your co-workers, or your sisters.

3.  If you’re lost for discussion subjects, try travel

Almost everyone likes to plan trips or recall fun times in a country not one’s own. If you can’t afford a major trip, or if you’re still shy about sharing a hotel room with him, talk with him about dream travel (the pyramids, the fjords). Fantasy is a great aphrodisiac.

4.  Get to the point

Men want specifics. No exceptions.

5.  Be positive

Senior men have been through marriages that ended in divorce or the death of a partner. They’re not looking for more angst. The right woman for a senior man is one whose glass is half full. If life has dealt you lemons and you haven’t made lemonade, now is the time to start — not that you have to act the phony! If you’re naturally quiet and contemplative there’s no need to become Miss Congeniality. Just don’t look for a shoulder to whine on.

6.   Don’t put yourself down

Never, never say, “I hate my hair”, “I’m SO FAT!”, “I’m too old for sex“, or “I think I’m a manic-depressive”. Your old guy is investing in you. While he’s examining the prospectus, withhold those negatives.

7.  Encourage Humor

A worthwhile man will appreciate a good sense of humor because he will have his own. Old guys love an appreciative audience, and your laughter will be music to his ears.  Warning: old guy humor can be painfully corny, so be careful what you encourage. See my earlier post for more about the nature of old guy humor.